Monday, June 21, 2004
It was great to hang out with the family yesterday. We had a big Father's Day dinner (that Dad had to make, of course. My mother is not one to cook). The food was great. It was a little disturbing to see the quantity of food my brother ate, though. That guy sure can fill a plate! He also had 3 and 4 helpings of everything, along with a half a cup of ketchup and 3/4 of a stick of butter. He was done eating before anyone else too. It is really getting me worried. He is very large. The biggest he's been. Beyond "overweight". I would say obese. He lies about getting exercise. His breathing sounds labored. His skin looks bad. He sweats all the time. And you cannot talk to him about his diet/weight. He'll just go home.
Gosh—that would put anyone that cares about him in a difficult position. What are you going to do?
Posted by Lawren on 06/21 at 02:04 PMOne of my relatives also has a problem, it isn’t weight related, but still a problem and she always gets mad and won’t talk to anyone and will storm off and ignore all of us so I sat down one day and wrote her a very long letter and brought up fun things from our past and how I feel about her and then I told her what I think about what she is doing and how she is stealing herself from all of us - - how she is destroying herself and that doesn’t just hurt her, but all of us. She didn’t talk to me for several months, but finally she did and she knows she was destroying herself and just had to come to terms with it in her own time - - but I couldn’t sit by and let her do it without her knowing I saw what she was doing. She is seeking help now and that is a blessing.
I just couldn’t be silent about it anylonger.
Posted by Uptown Girl on 06/21 at 02:18 PMYou might have to do this from the perspective of him being an addict. Some families do interventions. Sadly, I think our family is close to doing the same with my brother-in-law who is an insulin dependent diabetic who smokes like a dragon and drinks like a fish. There comes a point when you just can’t watch someone destroy themselves anymore. Pretending it doesn’t exist when you’re around him won’t work forever, but it has to be the right time for everyone. It’s a really tough position to be in, and I don’t envy you. I’ll send lots of positive thoughts that you come to terms with the right thing to do for yourself and for him.
Posted by Linda on 06/21 at 04:57 PMAs hard as it is, there comes a point where you have to decide two things:
-Can you stand by and say nothing?
-Can you accept that they have to be the ones to foster change?It’s so hard. Whether it’s food, drugs, drink, or depresion. I’ve had to say to someone I care that they’re destroying themselves, and it was hard. I felt better- but did it help them to change? I don’t think so. I don’t think other people’s exhortations for them to quit had much of a cumulative effect, either.
Every situation is different. Go with your heart. If you would be unable to stand living with yourself and not saying it, tell him how you feel. Just be prepared for the consequences.
Good luck. I hope he gets help.
Posted by Lachlan on 06/23 at 02:59 PM
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