Monday, January 26, 2009
My family made a decision when we were growing up to move west. You see, my father had to go where there was work (he was an electrician) and the extended family back in the home town were too much drama. Now I don’t know how true that was, but that’s what my parents told us. When my brother and I were still quite young we’d travel back to Massachusetts once a year or so and visit. Both sets of grandparents, my mother’s sister, my father’s sisters and brother, and all the cousins. We did that for years while in between the odd set of grandparents would visit us. As we got older and things got more expensive we traveled much less. The grandparents still visited, and my mother’s sister and her daughter, and we’d see my father’s brother’s family as they were not as far. All those other relatives just became people that only sent a Holiday card. Never once did they visit, so we never went back. My parents would go out to handle emergencies, and eventually my mother’s mom and sister moved to Florida. My father’s parents have since passed, and my brother went with my father to some of the arrangements. I was already out on my own trying to make my way…
I guess the point is that there are all these relatives that are strangers to me. A lot too. My father had 3 sisters and 2 brothers (I think, to be honest I forget the total since some have died). At least 3 of those had families that I haven’t seen since I was like 14. It’s weird to think about somehow. All these people that I knew existed but were really not part of our lives. It felt normal though. Huh. So anyways, when my brother chose to move to Boston he did so knowing that he’d be near that portion of the family, actively choosing to reconnect. He is at some family member’s home for dinner every weekend. He is invited to every event, BBQ, potluck, and all that stuff. He even juggles the drama of which part of the family isn’t speaking to whom! LOL, right?
So sometime in December I got this email with the subject of “hello”. It was from my father’s sister (the one that we always knew was a lesbian, even tho she never said. She has *always* lived with the same woman):
Is this nephew Danny in California?
I deleted it. It scared me! What could she want and HOW did she find me? Thank gawd she had used my *personal email* account, or I would have died. I soon forgot about it, until a week or so ago when I got another one, from the same aunt forwarding the last note, but with this added:
I’m trying this again.
OMFG! Now it was like she had verified the address and resent and was calling me out. I HAD to reply. Ugh. So I thought about it and settled with this:
I would say keep in touch. Since she DID track you down and you two have reestablished communications, you might as well keep in touch. I’m not saying you should become BFF’s but at least leave the door open between you two. Who knows? Maybe she had valid reasons? And at least you know that she’s “out” about her orientation and knows about you as well so you don’t have to worry about that.
Posted by Lee on 01/27 at 03:46 AMHell, I know first hand how…nuts…Massachusetts extended families can be. (she writes from Virginia, as close as she’ll ever live to Mass again.)
But I’d write back. She’s reaching out. And it can’t hurt to have another ally, right?
Posted by Karen on 01/27 at 07:49 AMI agree with Lee - she made the effort to contact you, and now that you’re already communicating, what would it hurt to continue? People have an interesting need - and seemingly randomly through their lives - to find ways to reconnect and to sometimes try to make things right or better. Maybe that’s the case here - maybe not. But connecting with people is rarely a bad thing, unless you think you’ll be hurt by the experience. Do you think that will be the case here?
Posted by DJ on 01/27 at 07:52 AMThat’s a tough choice, and one only you can make. I would say that if you’re open to it, but you get further in and don’t “feel” it, let her know.
Posted by Emma Dog on 01/27 at 08:00 AMMy Pop’s family sounds like yours. It wasn’t til he and his sibs started ‘getting on in years’ that they began to reach out to each other so it may just be something similar. I’d say to keep in touch. It doesn’t seem as if she’s trying to be your BFF and like Emma said, if it feels off, let her know.
Posted by mike on 01/27 at 03:10 PMI say be nice - she’s family and she made an effort.
Posted by soapbox.SUPERSTAR on 01/28 at 01:10 PM
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